ToxicDreams

Something I just feel

Hi, I don’t need to say my name cause I’m sure the people that will read it either know me or don’t really care. I just wanted to put this somewhere. The last week I have had issues with my feelings, their everywhere and I cant put a cap on them to save my life at the moment. In this period of time I have had issues with the person I love, another guy, and my cousin and I’m sure with what I did tonight, I have lost the one I truly love and have loved for over 2 years now maybe longer. I had mental break downs, I lost control of my emotions, I cried, I got mad, I felt numb, I just… anyways I totally lost who I was and gave into all my emotions while still biting them back when I was around others. I was playing tug a war with my emotions and my sanity and if either one lost I was fucked. Tonight, my sanity won out but that meant I lost my cool, and I lost control of my emotions and let everything out, at the wrong place, at the wrong person, and at the wrong time and let out everything that pissed me off, that hurt me, and now….. now I’m sure that the one I love hates my guts to no end. I… I hate my self for doing it but I couldn’t hold it back anymore i just wish I could take it back and keep it in longer but its already done and so is the damage. So now I’m sitting here and typing this. I feel like I could loose my sanity now as my emotions die out but I cant get rid of this love for this girl. this Amazing and wonderful girl, that I ended up putting through hell….. She knows who she is…. and I know sorry isn’t enough, I would give it all up, give up everything I own, throw away everyone, everything, and live a life that was completely devoted to her if I had the chance right now…. but I think I ruined that chance and I dont know if I can ever get it back…..